unicorn chaser

super cute, originally uploaded by emdot.

for previous post. :)

this life. it will end.

Dancers at a gathering, originally uploaded by *CA*.

and that pisses me off.

and further impoliteness, i have recently said in other nether regions of the intertubes:

(meh. i shouldn't add a negative twist. i always loved getting older and then i passed some line -- not an age line but a ... hmmm... just a whatthefuck line and now i donotlikeitatall and age can gofuckitself and oh no now i'm just a typicalwoman. FUCK! arghh. poo. etc.)

whatevs. so sue me. that's a pretty honest insight into me who is usually abnormally pollyannaroseyglasses.

Healing Our World

From an email I got today...

The term "warrior" in the Shambhala tradition is a translation of the Tibetan word pawo. Pa means "brave," and wo makes it "a person who is brave." The warrior tradition we are discussing is a tradition of bravery. You might have the idea of a warrior as someone who wages war. But in this case, we are not talking about warriors as those who engage in warfare. Warriorship here refers to fundamental bravery and fearlessness. Warriorship is based on overcoming cowardice and our sense of being wounded.If we feel fundamentally wounded, we may be afraid that somebody is going to put stitches in us to heal our wound. Or maybe we have already had the stitches put in, but we dare not let anyone take them out. The approach of the warrior is to face all those situations of fear or cowardice. The general goal of warriorship is to have no fear. But the ground of warriorship is fear itself. In order to be fearless, first we have to find out what fear is.

From "Facing Yourself," in Smile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery, coming in October from Shambhala Publications.

“This is powerful dharma encouragement to awaken our own fearless and wise heart - from one of the most remarkable and brilliant teachers of modern times.” — Jack Kornfield

unlove

streve of the daily coyote wrote a really nice post about her ideas regarding internet hate. and i loved reading it and thinking about it in this new way that streve describes. i think she is right on track.

read streve's thoughts at this untitled post.

imodinari photos... present and past

towards the light

towards the light, originally uploaded by emdot.

The Ocean

ocean, two, originally uploaded by emdot.

Inspired by Raul Gutierez's Heading East blog post, Kennedy & the Ocean.

[insert rob breszny platitude here] [you know the drill]

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

• First of all, my friend, you don't need any second-hand anything, let alone second-hand love.
• Second of all, dearest, you are hereby ordered not to hang around any third-rate situations where you feel like a fifth wheel. You understand?
• Thirdly, wonderful one, keep in mind that any eight ball you may fantasize that you're behind is just a figment of your own delusions.
• Fourthly, lover, I assure you that your sixth sense can now lead you -- if you cleanse it of its excess superstition -- to a place that is, if you have a good imagination, a suburb of the seventh heaven.

this photo knocks my socks off

, originally uploaded by LunaSol.

by a long-time flickr friend, martha, aka lunasol.

recent poems

family portrait, originally uploaded by Orrin.

o ivaloo
what am i gonna do
you have cheeks i want to kiss
and fingers! hair! i cannot miss

o little ivaloo
what's the world to do
'cept to love and cheer your birth
and smile that you're here on earth

our dear sweet ivaloo
i wonder what you'll do
dreams you'll have and feats you'll take
adventures love and all -- partake

oh baby ivaloo
know that we all love you

---

For my friend Stephan who will be busking tonight outside of Comic-Con

i wish i were in san diego.
your singing and playing will be en fuego.
i hope when you sing you sound like a dago.
tomorrow for breakfast you can have a bagel.

And with that, I keep my day job!

mais oui

"At the side of the everlasting why, is a yes, and a yes, and a yes"

— E. M. Forster

i constantly get confused about hope — good or bad?

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.

— Anne Lamott

Buddhism says that hope is just the flip side of fear; let it go let it go let it go. But so many other things say to believe -- seize! -- go forward -- persevere.

What if I choose to believe the wrong one?

communicating with other life forms

twenty-eight of 52, originally uploaded by Orrin.

ha ha ha. this makes me laugh. orrin is good with the skype and the what not. so is steve. me? not so much.

In which I ask Rob Breszny to Marry Me

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): O ye of little faith: Do ye not understand that the events of mid-July through mid-August of 2009 are but the fruition of seeds ye planted in September, October, and November of last year? Do not thank or blame the gods, but only thyself, for the destiny that is upon ye. Now please prepare to assume thy new goodies and perks, O favored one, as well as thy new temptations and headaches, with full knowledge that ye are receiving the exact rewards and responsibilities ye earned many months ago.

I've already seen the fruition just this afternoon. I don't know if I should laugh, cry, run, jump on a plane or sit down on my meditation cushion.

Oh who am I fooling? Meditation cushion. It's all about being awake. Right here. And grateful. Right now.

tripping on the sidwalk of the dharma

out west, originally uploaded by emdot.

Life on the practical level does not contain any subtle philosophy or subtle mystical experience. It just is. If we are able to see that isness, so to speak, then there is a sense of realization. We experience sudden enlightenment. Without a sense of hopelessness, there is no way to give birth to sudden enlightenment. Only giving up our projects brings about the ultimate, definite, positive state of being, which is the realization that we are already enlightened beings here and now.

— Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche (Crazy Wisdom, pg 95 via "Ocean of Dharma" mailing list)

This is where I stumble with Buddhism: how do you know when to make a change? When to act? When to change course? According to Buddhism there is none of that; there is only right now.

But I'm not sure that that philosophy always serves you. What if you need to veer a little? What if you need to turn hard? What if staying in the same place, which is fine enough, adds up to a pretty big wrong-direction in the long haul?

If I were so lucky as to be able to ask a good teacher questions, that is what I would ask. But hopefully more eloquently.

I just heard about this...

And oh man I want to go. This is exactly what I've been wanting: a retreat; to be with Sangha; to hear the Sakyong; to hear Pema; to be in the mountains (oh man I want to be in the Rockies surrounded by aspen yes! with afternoon thunderstorms yes yes!); to sit on my cushion; to simplify everything; to quiet my mind.

I love Shambhala Mountain Center so much. Some places just capture my heart immediately (the high desert has been featured prominently recently, but there are of course others) and SMC is definitely one of those places. I was lucky enough to be at the Consecration of the Great Stupa of Dharmakaya back in 01 and things really fell into place for me after that. I would like that very much again.

overheard

Ivaloo, originally uploaded by Orrin.

orrin: let us know if you would like to skype with our baby because our baby would probably love to skype with you.

oh Ivaloo you are born into a crazy, connected, wonderful age. :)

love to the andersons and thomases. my heart just pours over with happiness for you. xo.

buddha loves lomo

this comes as no surprise (brezsny version)

love is in the air, originally uploaded by emdot.

(my blog has become less of a blog and simply justs notes to myself). (this note comes from brezsny)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): There's a better than even chance that you're about to embark on a Summer of Love. To improve your odds even more, meditate on the following questions.

1. What qualities do you look for in a lover that you would benefit from developing more fully in yourself?
2. What do you think are your two biggest delusions about the way love works?
3. Is there anything you can do to make yourself more lovable?
4. Is there anything you can do to be more loving?
5. Are you willing to deal with the fact that any intimate relationship worth pursuing will inevitably evoke the most negative aspects of both partners — and require both partners to heal their oldest wounds?

(note to self)

i'm not sure what this means, but i like it., originally uploaded by emdot.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
— Anais Nin

And two more things to ponder a la Martha Beck

• The struggle itself is enough to fill our hearts. — Camus
• Your path should be chosen by your heart's desires, not by what seems to be working (or not working). — M. Beck.