the latest aussie update from rebel

Okay, I attempted this letter about a week ago and the computer kicked me off as I pushed send! Arrgg!

Hey there my beautiful friends and loved ones!

Last time we wrote we were in the lovely Byron Bay between Sydney and Brisbane on the coast. Did I mention what an amazing place it was? I could live there for an eternity. We spent nearly all of our time lounging on the lovely beaches bathed in salt and sand and sunshine. Our second day there we found a great music store that gave free didgeridoo lessons and we took one with a fun little girl named Cherry who gave me a monstrous smack on the ass for talking shit at one point! I think I like that girl!

Day fifteen and we sit a our new favorite restaurant, I sip strong soy lattes and Jeff feeds himself this cardiac arrest breakfast that he has come to love. We rented a surfboard that day but the water was all chop and we couldn't surf, we are also becoming increasingly aware of how dangerous the waters can be with there tremendous rip tides. Jeffrey got a bit grumpy because he couldn't surf that day but he pulled out his harmonica and ripped out what I call "the shitty surfing blues" and immediately appeared to feel better. I also decided to buy my new didge and shipped it home to my sis's house for her to rock the house with, what an amazing instrument! It is created out of many different varieties of Eucalyptus Tree. The termites burrow through long branches hollowing the piece. The Aborigines then paint up the exterior with there individual dreamtime and tribal markings. Mine is lovely!

Jeffrey wasn't sure if he wanted to buy his own so he asked the wonderful man that owned the store if he could rent one and he replied by saying, "rent? why don't I just lone you one?" and without a deposit, social security number, driver's license, or whatever we went to our hostel with one. Have I mentioned what amazing people these Aussies are?

The following day, Jeff and I did our separate things (because we might just have a murder/suicide on our hands soon if we don't!) I went for a beautiful hike along the white beaches and played in tidal pools. I then hiked up to an old lighthouse (1901) first, taking a shortcut where I narrowly escaped with my life as I nearly walked into a spider web that appeared to be made out of nylon rope! (insert horrible images of a gargantuine spider sucking the life out of Rebbie). Then on to a loop track with no one around and I saw a male bush turkey who nearly walked into me before he noticed I was watching him ( I am a stealth bomber when it comes to animal watching!) The male Bush Turkey looks just like the kind you used to draw when you were in Kindy by tracing your hand. They are all black and there tail fans vertically, there heads are bright red and vibrant yellow. Later I found two huge nests that the males were building which apparently take months for them to create and are several yards across and seated on the rainforest floor.

At the lighthouse I had a 360 degree view, 300 degrees of which were open ocean in which the whales are currently migrating. I also got to set foot on the most easterly portion of the Australian continent.

Later, Jeffrey and I went to a local festival/market that takes place on the first Sunday of every month. There were lovely hippies everywhere selling there wares, yummy vegan food, etc.Cherry on the sundae? The delicious drum circle afterwards!

Highlight the next day (besides the lovely ocean of course) was the chocolate shop we stumbled into in the middle of nowhere! When we walked in we were immediately given fresh blueberries dipped in chocolate, mmmm. We were told the main ingredient that they used was love. This place is a kicker! We sampled chocolate covered fresh strawberries, a macadamia butter cup, and the best dark chocolate with chillies in it. After that, more didgeridoo lessons! Jeffrey bought his own didge the next day, I knew he would he hasn't stopped practicing since he borrowed one. He didn't want to ship his home and wants to get rid of some of the weight in his pack so he can have it with him . I got kicked out of the bed so that he can sleep with his didge now, can you believe it?!

On day nineteen, we headed to a place called Surfer's Paradise up the coast. (against my will, I could have stayed in Byron forever!) We had been told that Surfer's was like Miami, Cancun or Hawaii. We hated it, with its skyscrapers right on the lovely beaches, looming over and shading them out in early afternoon. It is a city of hotel sprawl and complete isolation, ugly. We decided to go on a club crawl that night because we met a nice guy that was one of the guides. On the shuttle over to the first club Jeffrey and I crossed our fingers and just repeated our mantra "oh please, oh please, let this be halfway fun!" It was okay after a couple of drinks though. However, the night turned livelier, as I got seriously ill from the food we had eaten earlier on. We had gone to a Thai restaurant that didn't have anything veggie listed on the menu and I foolishly believed the woman when she said it would be easy to make something vegan for me, nodding her head when I listed the things I couldn't have. I ended up explosively vomiting all over the club we went too, it was horribley embarresing! Jeff found it hilarious that I got sick from food in Australia but never in Mexico! It took me two full days to feel better from that one.

Surfer's Paradise was a terrible let down and we struggled to find something to do there. We settled on a weak game of Mini Golf which I won but I suspect that Jeffrey might have let me! We ended our visit there with more walks along the beaches avoiding washed up Jelly fish, and watching Surf Sailing (amazing sport!). The beaches are funky, you have this huge, expansive beach and are only allowed to swim in one area defined by brightly coloured flags that represent the current conditions of the ocean. We suspect that you need to stay in front of the lifegaurds because of dangerous rips, or that the area might me "screened" in due to sharks and salt water crocs. (we read about this previously). Then off to Brisbane the next day.

Okay, out of time, tune in next time kiddos, same bat time, same bat channel. I love you all with all of my sappy little heart and cherish all of the beautiful notes you have been sending us.

My heart to all of you, Rebecca

why do people turn away from the church?

ohmigod. religion and christianity. what an unsexy topic. (though, i should add here, not as completely unsexy as vin diesel is in TripleX. we saw that last night. the worst movie of 2002, though i haven't seen country bear jamboree yet, so the voting could change. the overwhelming question was, after mourning the money shelled out to watch this waste of two hours, "does he kiss like a guppy or was i just sitting at a bad angle to the screen?").

macker is a friend i made at daveworld. we don't agree on much. for instance, he thinks he makes sense when he starts sentences with phrases like "would that i...". but for the most part we kinda like each other. sometimes he thinks that i don't play nice with others. sometimes he is right.

macker is a born-again, promise-keepin', right-winged, pipsqueakskie from poughkeepsie. (say it three times fast, it's fun. and accurate.). and now, going into non-pokin-fun mode, i believe it really bothers him that people don't see The Light. The Truth. And even more, i think it saddens his heart when he meets people who have fallen away from The Church. cuz that implies that The Church or Its People has let these wayfarers down.

i think this bothers a lot of christians. i had a four-hour heated debate with someone pushing bible-study on a college campus once, now ten or eleven years ago. i said i used to be born again. he said "there's no such thing. obviously you never were born again to begin with." because how else can current bornagainers explain that someone who's seen The Light and heard The Word and walked The Path has later flat-out rejected it as The Way? this becomes The Question. (heh).

last week on his pray naked blog, macker wrote the following: the most startling conclusion I have come to in this process is that, 2000 years after Christ's return to heaven, we still don't have it together as Christians. the whole lot of us. the fact that I was willing to attack a brother or sister in Christ because I was offended is proof positive I haven't arrived any more than they have. and if we continue to be willing to shoot someone in the foot over the minutiae of life, we have lost all credibility with people in need of a Savior. it's no wonder people like mary, marya and deanna, having once been burned, have no more use for the church; we're too busy hating the sin to love the sinner.

minus the savior bit, this is very buddhist of macker. his insight is on, but i believe his conclusion is wrong.

for instance, if man is born of sin and cannot help himself but be a sinner and muddled and clumsy and all the other things that man is, we -- humans -- are never going to have it together.

secondly, of course macker hasn't arrived farther than anyone else. please see previous paragraph.

thirdly. i'm going to stretch and use credibility in the same sense as credentials, not as in in trustworthy. and in this sense credibility is widely and wildly overrated. fuck credibility. the minute you start trying to have credibility to win someone over is the minute you have lost. credibility is nothing more than creating something to make us seem better to ourselves. there are plenty of people with no credentials who are brimming with more insight, more originality, more talent. credibility becomes the emperor's clothes.

finally, assuming that the congregation has burned people and that is why they leave the church is an oversimplification. okay. granted. there are probably more than a handful of people who have been burned by members of a congregation and have decided to leave.

but my point is that macker is not allowing himself to truthfully look for the answer to The Question, outlined above: how can current bornagainers explain that someone who's seen The Light and heard The Word and walked The Path has later flat-out rejected it as The Way?

here is what i posted to macker's blog:

1. i'd like to go on record to say that it was not the 'sinner' that turned me away from the church but that retched misogynist and homophobe, paul himself. take him outta the book and then we can start talkin' again (okay, not really). seriously. paul sucks. and he's turned a lot of people away from the church.

okay. that is harsh, but is my story, which i might tell some time.

2. one more thought about macker correlating christians turning other christians away from the church. there is probably some truth there, though i think it is more some christians being so obnoxious that they keep people away from ever getting to the church at all.

macker, you are not like that. i have really enjoyed our conversations throughout the last few years.

but going back to hating the sinner, etc... you have to realize that these same obnoxious people make up every part of our lives. there is the obnoxious co-worker that makes you want to quit your job. the obnoxious front-desk receptionist at the doctor's office that makes you want to switch to a different gp and on and on and on.

i quickly found out that there are difficult people as buddhists too. and here i thought buddhism was supposed to be all about love and compassion and boddhichitta and being boddhisattvas, etc etc.

but really what you have, same as in church, is a group of people just trying to deal with their shit. you have a group of people looking for tools to help them be better people. to help the see the bigger picture, to help them understand the mysteries that surround us.

so what it comes down to is tools. what tools do you need? what tools will help you build something meaningful that you can stand behind (or in front of or under or on top of) that allow you to see some truth.

for a long while, 10 years to be exact, i found my toolbox filled with christian tools. and then i found out that those tools just didn't work anymore. and i cried for a long time, mourning the loss of the toolbox that i had loved and had taken such care of.

and then (after many years) i found new tools. and these tools look a lot like the other tools i had: they support love (which is the basis of christianity which i think so many christians lose sight of); they support compassion; they support helping others; and most importantly, they support me being easier on myself -- treating myself with love and giving myself a break. and that was the one tool i just never found in christianity.

instead i think you find the berate yourself tool, the judge others tool, the tool of you're-a -sinner-sucker; or the even worse-all-powerful tool known as if-you-were-a-better-christian-maybe-you-wouldn't-be-such-an-embarrasing-sinner.

man, i can't tell you how great it is not to have that tool in the toolbox anymore.

seajay's guide to health

i was complaining about my propensity to catch the common (and persistent and buggered) cold this year to daveworld and got some sage advice from seajay, an artist of artists who lives in winterpeg canada and has her own battles with immunity's mutinies, not to mention her quest for immune impunity. seajay says that there are six truths we must come face-to-face with in order to live as one with our healthy self. and here they are.

Truth one - do something that causes you pleasure each and every day. (it can be selfish or selfless - so long as it makes you feel actual physical pleasure)

Truth two - listen to your body - it will tell you when it needs iron or starch or sugar or salt. You will crave foods. Eat those things you crave. In moderation. Also listen to your brain and if your craving is marshmallow and chocolate on a constant basis consider looking into that. You don't need to know which things have which particular nutrients - your body speaks their language, it knows what it wants. Just listen.

Truth three - human bodies need rest. Listen to yours and rest when it asks you to.

Truth four - exercise it - the body likes to work.

Truth five - deal with your shit. Your immune system hates dangling swords and shadows. Sucks like hell while you do it and then you can move along.

Truth six - laugh.

how do you approach work?

Work occupies much of our time. Doing work we hate assaults our self-esteem and self-confidence. Yet most workers cannot do the work they love. But we can all enhance our capacity to live purposely by learning how to experience satisfaction in whatever work we do. We find that satisfaction by giving any job total commitment. When I had a teaching job I hated (the kind of job where you long to be sick so you have an excuse for not going to work), the only way I could ease the severity of my pain was to give my absolute best. This strategy enabled me to live purposely. Doing a job well, even if we do not enjoy what we are doing, means that we leave it with a feeling of well-being, our self-esteem intact. That self-esteem aids us when we go in search of a job more fulfilling.

Thoughtout my life I have endeavored to not only do work I enjoy but to work with individuals I respect, like or love. When I first declared my desire to work in a loving environment, friends acted as though I had truly lost my mind. To them, love and work did not go together. But I was convinced that I would work better in a work environment shaped by an ethic of love. Today, as the Buddhist concept of "right-livelihood" is more widely understood, more people embrace the belief that work that enhances our spiritual well-being strengthens our capacity to love. And when we work with love we create a loving working environment. When ever I enter an office, I can immediately sense by the overall atmosphere and mood whether the workers like what they do. Marsha Sinetar writes about this concept in her book Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow as a way to encourage readers to take the risk of choosing work they care about and therefore learning through experience the meaning of right livelihood.

— bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

the tried and trivial

warning: frighteningly girly blog day. you've been warned.

item numbah one. so, i'm over my jealous-envy escapade. was over last week. but feel i need to say so publ-ick-ly. to prove it, here is a link to the fringe festival.

item numbah two. about a month ago my willpower waned and i suckerly became a salon premium member. and now, good lord, i can't imagine what my hesitation was about previously. no ads. ability to read all the articles. plus the fun premium benefits. said benefits has had me listening to the salon music sampler, numero quatro. and playing jeb loy nichols song "they don't know" ten times in one work-day time period. today i went out and bought the album. jury's still out, but man do i love that one song. it's weird, jeb loy seems to be an american southern boy (midwestern? maybe) who lives in london and writes semi-countrified head-boppy music. he's kinda the white shuggy otis.

item numbah three. and speekina music, i got the rising. i've never been this big springsteen fan at all. but the rfxbf is. [sidenote: status was upgraded from "stupid" to "rzzl-frzzl" which fits better]. and for a coupla years there i had to hear said rfxbf go on and on about how damn great the boss was. etc etc. anyhow, when you listen to the rising and kinda put it in septembereleven context you might find a lump in your throat and you might choke back tears while at your desk. either that or you might find yourself premenopausal. take your pic. meanwhile, my friend parker is going through his own hellish break up. and while listening i thought, wow, this is a great break up album as well. so said cd is now sitting on his desk and i hope he is listening to it.

item numbah four. vin diesel = slobbery thug goodness. carrie's organized a little rendezvous saturday to the drive-in. it's a double feature: triple x and goldmember which might make a couple of heads cock to the right if outta context. dan's coming too, so i'm expecting a surprisingly ingenius dolby-surround-sound experience. he's mcgyver that way.

item numbah five. how to be good by nick hornby. good read. i initially wrote fun read and realized that what is fun to me is usually not so fun for others. but i like the little nuances hornby finds for his characters. they have their flaws and you love them anyway. unfortunately i find myself identifying with the converted husband... i understand the wincing he does at sarcasm after he's cut back. and then i wonder, uh-oh, am i also this obnoxious? (ahem. i'm not asking for input here; it's rhetorical folks).

item number six. wednesday was kristin's birthday, so tuesday we surprised her with all-girl pedicure party at a nails place down the street. complete with wine and the proverbial cracker snacks. but it was fun and oh the toes were damn pretty to behold afterwards. we followed this up with three or four episodes of the best of sex&the city. where the best was determined by us. (so far, all-time top two episodes are "booth bitch" and "scootin in heals" [our names for these episodes] we defy you to tell us otherwise.).

ever wonder what a buddhist talk looks like? here are some pictures of a talk the sakyong recently did in boulder. nope, i wasn't there, but i especially liked the picture of all the students on their gomdens listening or scribbling notes. ;) of course, when you are sitting meditation it doesn't look like this.

pause the in-yer-head made-up scenario chatter

The greatest support we can have is mindfulness, which means being totally present in each moment. If the mind remains centered, it cannot make up stories about the injustice of the world or one's friends, or about one's desires or sorrows. All these stories could fill many volumes, but when we are mindful such verbalizations stop.

Being mindful means being fully absorbed in the moment, leaving no room for anything else. We are filled with the momentary happening, whatever it is — standing or sitting or lying down, feeling pleasure or pain — and we maintain a nonjudgmental awareness, a "just knowing."

-Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"
Copyright Wisdom Publications 2001. Reprinted from "Daily Wisdom: 365 Buddhist Inspirations," edited by Josh Bartok, with permission of Wisdom Publications, 199 Elm St., Somerville MA 02144 U.S.A, www.wisdompubs.org.

and the world said, hey, it's a brand new dub-a
check out the new wa web site. cool flash menus. cool picture of the big window in our production area. cool new everything.

homestar runner
and when you need to take a break, check out homestar and his pals strong bad and marzipan.

On July 27 a special buddhist teacher passed away while trying to save his drowning daughter, who also did not survive. Kobun Chino Otagawa Roshi was "a lineage holder of the Soto Zen school and a master calligrapher, his influence on our Shambhala community goes back many years. He personally taught oryoki and other forms from the Soto tradition which helped to form and enrich our Shambhala culture. He and his family have been residing at Shambhala Mountain Center and Roshi held the World Wisdom Chair at Naropa University." [1]

This poem was sent in to a list-serv I belong to in response to Roshi's passing. I thought it was a beautiful poem and am taking the liberty of posting it here (without permission).

The Perfect Guest

When we went to meet you, you were already there.
But when we arrived, they said you were just here.

You were the traveler, who had met all our grandfathers.

When we begged you for stories, you played with the sounds of the words.
When we stared, you made kabuki faces till we laughed.
When we showed you a picture, you turned the mirror so we could see.
When we poured you water, you divined a spring.
When we asked you to dinner, you prepared the meal.
When we folded down your bed, you helped us try on your robes.
When we opened your window, you built us a mountain shrine.
When you lit your pipe, the stars sparkled back.
When we knocked on your door, we found you down by the river.

Not remembering, you had endless time for us.
Not knowing, you blessed us with our own wisdom.
Not hesitating, you calmed our fears.
Being helpless, we found the possibilities in each moment.
Being defeated, we learned to rest in solitude.

You were the great joy in a child's life.
The gentle monster, at our side,
The old book that never needed to be opened,
The karmic magician hardly noticed.

We sat silently in your lap and fell peacefully awake.
Now you float eternally in our hearts.

— Chris Magnus

[1] David Brown

the snake, the engine, and the roadtrip

jen (aka b.n.e., best neighbor ever) and ryan went on a roadtrip. they took six weeks to meander across the states and hit the sites. at the apex they saw both jeff and reb in mass as well as the bean queen, raelene, in new york city. they got back last night and today jen unraveled one of the stories they picked up on the way.

while in oregon they spent a night in a campground next to a man and a woman who were camping with cats. "the cats are nothing," the man said, "you should see the 10-foot boa constrictor we have with us." they didn't see the snake and the next morning the man and woman were gone, on their way to their next destination. and i'm sure as jen and ry got on the road they never thought they would think of that strange meeting again.

that was until two days later.

they were in olympia, washington after two days of traveling and meandering. jen had just left a restroom and ryan was just heading into one. jen walked back to the truck and as she passed the hood, something caught the corner of her eye.

"snake! snake!" she yelled and she ran to the restroom and began to bang on the door to get ryan. all the comotion also summoned a few onlookers who came to see if they could help.

sure enough, there was a snake's head peering out at them from underneath the car. sure enough the entire 10-foot boa constrictor had wrapped its body around the engine of the car. sure enough -- or as the sweet luck of serendipity would have it -- one of the onlookers was a snake-lover. he volunteered to remove the big boa and happily began to do so.

luckily jen had her camera handy.

one: snake peering out from the truck's underbelly
two: snake wrapped around the engine
three: snake lover pulling snake out from the truck
four: snake fully out

needless to say, snake-lover guy has a new slithering friend.

whaddaday

given, i have been sick. and when you are sick you tend to be a bit more sensitive to everything. i've been snappy and sad. easily provoked. and just generally feeling like shit. somewhere around eight o'clock last night the fog began to lift. i don't know if it was the virus finally easing up, or a good 30-minute car ride with kristin where i could just pour out my heart on all the things that have just been piling up around me. i'm usually not one of those girls that needs to talk through my problems, but i think i am learning that doing so really helps and might be a shortcut to emotional health, if not just plain lighter shoulders.

i learned another lesson too. a lesson about confronting -- or is it releasing? without going into details here, i found myself amazingly, heatedly, irrationally, maddeningly jealous two nights ago. i don't find myself jealous very often. and this was not a love-possessive thing. this was about my housemate going to visit my s.x.b.f (the s is for stupid not scottish) in scotland in a few weeks and a few other things having to do with said sxbf and his contact with my friends and my inability (out of respect) to not contact him. (does this make any sense?). anyway -- man, without acting any of it out -- i felt consumed with jealousy about this upcoming trip. consumed with jealousy and minimized by feeling 100% left-out. left-out is not an emotion i deal with very well.

anyhow, (I have now officially joined the land of the confessional bloggers), i finally just wrote him an email and explained it all. told him how crappy i was feeling. telling him that not being friends was tearing me up inside. and ... i haven't heard back. and... it might not matter if i hear back or not or even if he even reads it or not. i wonder if anything i might send to him is simply filtered into his delete box anyway. it doesn't matter. i was able to get it off my chest. get it out there. and this helped like nothing i had anticipated. weight of the world lifted. jealousy gone. frustration gone. anger gone. bad feelings gone. amazing healing elixir found.

********************

i went home for lunch today. grabbed a sandwich and the l.a. times. read a few paragraphs here and there in different sections. but by the time i started perusing the section with the article on manzanar i found a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. life is filled with so much heartache and pain and trouble and yet people prevail and triumph. in a blog where you don't spend much time cultivating a thought, much less editing your thoughts, it's hard to convey this feeling. but it stung in my eyes and it contracted in my throat and i felt overcome by... the meanness and the fear and the courage and the heart of the human spirit. and in the end i think courage and heart trump meanness and fear.

cheesy squeezy overheard

rem: what, are you afraid of the firemarshall or something? then why are you dressed as such a little hotty?
marya: that is such an overheard.
rem: do NOT credit me.

overheards

jaxon: good morning marya. mar. mar-mar. maria. mary. mariah. marya. russian snowflake. spanish flower.

****

we'll be moving the office around at the end of the week and i'll end my year-long spree of sitting near jaxon. and i'll miss his little daily quips. i guess i'll have to break it to him pretty soon that i'm not russian. ;)

"Two Cheers for Democracy"

"I believe in aristocracy, though-if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke."

— E.M. Forester

The Song of Impermanence

Kye ma, the dharmas of samsara are futile.
Impermanent, impermanent, they are futile.
Changing and changing, they are futile.
Uncertain, uncertain, they are futile.

When there is land but no owner, it is futile.
An owner, but no land is futile.
Even land and owner together are futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

When there is father but no son, it is futile.
A son but no father is futile.
Even son and father together are futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

When there is father but no mother, it is futile.
A mother but no father is futile.
Even a mother and father together are futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

Even father, mother, and son, all three together are futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

When there is man but no wealth, it is futile.
Wealth but no man is futile.
Even man and wealth together are futile.
Even happiness and prosperity together are futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

Whatever one does brings suffering and is futile.
Whatever one thinks is impermanent and futile.
Whatever one achieves is illusory and futile.
Even if one has it all, it is futile.
The dharmas of samsara are futile.

Since this is the nature of futility,
Let us yoginis now accomplish
The esssential truth: well, then!
Vajradhara, whose essence is Akshobhya,
Grant your blessings so that this lowly one may keep to retreat.

— Milarepa

i read this story in today's l.a. times about a woman who won the badwater ultramarathon, a 135-mile race in temperatures that reached 123 degrees. she won 5 hours ahead of her next competitor! this is including both men and women.

she finished in 27 hours and 56 minutes.

she started the race at 104 pounds and ended the race at 98... but that doesn't sound that bad to me, considering the exertion and the heat.

this race started in death valley (near death valley?) and ended some 8000 miles up mount whitney. check out the pictures.

(if you can't get to the story, for whatever reason, do a google search for "pam reed" and "badwater ultramarathon.")

two poems by thich nhat hanh

For Warmth

I hold my face in two hands.
No, I'm not crying.
I hold my face in two hands
to keep the loneliness warm --
two hands protecting,
two hands nourishing,
two hands preventing
my soul from leaving me
in anger.

(his note: this was written after i heard about the bombing of Ben Tre and the comment made by an American military man, "We had to destroy the town in order to save it.")


Recommendation

Promise me,
promise me this day,
promise me now,
while the sun is overhead
exactly at the zenith,
promise me:

Even as they
strike you down
with a mountain of hatred and violence;
even as they step on you and crush you like a worm,
even as they dismember and disembowel you,
remember, brother,
remember:
man in not your enemy.

The only thing worthy of you is compassion --
invincible, limitless, unconditional.
Hatred will never let you face
the beast in man.

One day, when you face this beast alone,
with your courage intact, your eyes kind,
untroubled
(even as no one sees them),
out of your smile
will bloom a flower.
And those who love you
will behold you
across ten thousand worlds of birth and dying.

Alone again,
I will go on with bent head,
knowing that love has become eternal.
On the long, rough road,
the sun and the moon
will continue to shine.

(his note: i wrote this poem in 1965 especially for the young people in the School of Youth for Social Service, who risked their lives every day during the war, recommending them to prepare to die without hatred.)

not sick, just detoxifying

jamie says her friend never gets sick. instead, she is "detoxifying." the belief being that being sick is a way for our bodies to detoxify. this makes a lot of sense to me, as i've been doing a lot of healthy things — mind-body-soul — this year. and i've been sick a lot. a lot a lot a lot. funny thing, too, when you think of it as detoxifying, your attitude about being "sick" kind of changes. i felt myself wanting to support this — in other words, it made me want to drink more water, eat healthier food, rest more etc etc etc. right now sprouts sound good.

meanwhile i'm at work and my head is killing me. sinus pain. yuck. and i wonder — why am i sharing this on this ridiculous blog. heh. because it's there?

mld put up a [dw] blog. check it if you are interested... wonder how that will evolve. soon to come, blogs from deAnna and kate du nord.

— marya (queen of the em-dash; leader of the emdot)

today's promotion of ongoing stereotypes

RELIGIOUS MERGER CREATES 900 MILLION HINJEWS
New Delhi, India — Hinjew leaders today conceded the merger of Hinduism and Judaism has not worked out as planned, as instead of forming a super-religion to fight off the common Islamic enemy, they have instead created a race of 900 million people who, no matter how many times they are reincarnated, can never please their mothers.

book crossing

i first heard about bookcrossing.com while reading the latest issue of the utne reader. then, last saturday (sunday?) the l.a. times had an article about it as well. today, i looked up the web site and now i'm wondering which one of these puppies that faithfully line my bookshelves am i going to set free. it was fun to look up where i live to see what books have already been set free (sadly, most of them were danielle steel novels). i'm thinking barrel fever by david sedaris, as i have two copies. or maybe an old calvin and hobbes collection. it would be good to leave something that would make someone chuckle.

carsten (if you are still checking in) i think you should do this in berlin. and nigel, you should do it in england. my stupid exbf could do it in edinburgh, but we aren't speaking and that is really starting to piss me off. but it would be cool if he did it too as he does have pretty good taste in reading material.

what? sick again
yeah. i've been sick again. i'm trying to will myself back to health. and tonight i finally feel a little better. the good news is that all that resting time let me finish the road less traveled which i've had forever. but have never read past that part about delaying gratification. great book, though he lost me a bit in the fourth section. the first two sections were definitely the best.

last night we watched hedwig and the angry inch, which is the movie moulin rouge wished it could have been. it's brilliant. that's one of those movies though that you need to see on the big screen atleast once. big and loud are good qualities to add for your viewing pleasure.

other than that my days have just been popping sudafed and my nights have been drinking nyquil. sigh. i remember when i was all high-and-mighty and would never take otc drugs. welp. those days are over.

i'm bummed that i'm missing out on the bishop's peak kick butt boot camp, though. it's been going on without me.

and now that i'm done reading the road less traveled it's back to bell hooks all about love: new revisions. she's my new hero.

notes from down undah

rebel and jeffrey have made it to australia. and with inferred permission [insert grin], i am putting them up for all to read. for those not in the know, R.B. stands for Rat Bastard which stands for "I love you."

[note to reb: thank you for the great email. i wish -- quite seriously -- that we were all traveling with you. you two are missed right now down to the core. i think it is only just now hitting us that you are not on a month-long vacation and coming back soon. kisses and polenta pucks, m.]

Friday, July 19 : Guess Where We Are
Okay all you little R.B.'s out there!

First, I would like to apologize to all of you for this group email thing. It is the most efficient way right now though. Second, if I have left anyone off the list that needs to be, please let me know.

We have just arrived in Sydney Australia today, 6am on the 20th of July to be exact. We lost the 19th as we crossed the international date line, we ceased to exist! The good side is that we will get two of the same dates going back, flashback to "Groundhog Day". Anyways, the flight was unbelievable just because it took six hours to cross the states, Boston to San Francisco, and another fourteen to get to Australia. The later of which was in complete darkness the entire way! We got a total of six shitty movies to watch and I was served a vegan meal which I like to call polenta pucks in pita bread, that was a little alliteration for all you smarty pants out there! (Did I spell that right? Operating on very little sleep here)

So we showed up in Sydney and were really surprised by how small the airport seemed. Podunk was what I believe my buddy Jeffrey called it! From there we took a train to Kirribilli where we had a hotel reserved. We were at home immediatly as there was a personal note with a key for our room hanging on the door of the hotel welcoming us to Sydney. The owner of the hotel, Mary, is probably going to be our mother figure for the following week, she is so great! We had a liesurly breakfast this morning and I already tried "Vegemite" which seems to be a very dense yeast mixture, it spreads like nutello and is a nasty brown color, I decided I needed to develop a taste for it because it is such a big local thing but I haven't had something so icky in a long time, flashback to polenta pucks in pita! (insert Wayne's World fuzz out)

We have been hiking around Sydney since then, it feels like it should be around 9pm now but a glance to the clock tells me that it is only nearing 3pm. Rebbie is tuckered. We have already hiked from Kirribilli, which looks across the bay to the Sydney Opera House, accross the gigantic Harbour Bridge into downtown Sydney. Through a beautiful Saturday market selling Aborigine art and photos, blown glass, roasted corn, amazing furniture made from local woods, and all the while the market reaks of yummy spices from a local vender selling whole spices.

From there we hiked to the Sydney Opera House, just a hike around though, we will try to take a tour inside in a few days. Then off to the Botanical Gardens. We actually skirted the gardens too, I think we are waiting to really be able to appreciate it after some sleep. I think we are starting to understand the layout of the city now, a lot less intimidating than the maps try to lead us to believe. Sydney seems rather smaller than we imagined. And this pleases me. I love the architecture this far. Such and eclectic mix of times and styles. Its quite yummy.

Other than that... Rebel got hungry and her pal Jeffrey desperatley grabbed for the guide book for the first time yet and led her to an amazing vegetarian chinese kitchen. First Australian food experience bad, second excellent. We are 0 for 0 folks. Looks like the little veggie will fare pretty good overall (even without the bowls of grass her pops likes to mow for her!)

Now it is time to rastle up my pal and make him take me back to the hotel so we can get some sleep. A couple of personal notes first though... Thank you all you stabbies for the icing on the cake of my California experience. It makes me start crying every time I think of that send off you gave us and all the beautiful things we have shared in the past three years. (Keep it short and sweet Rebbie!) The only way I could have really shown you all just how much you mean to me is if I tore my heart from my chest and threw it on the table for you all that evening. I love you all. To my east coast family...I miss you already. Jordan with your little yellow blanky stuffed in your mouth. Splashing with Austin the wet little seal in the water. I will see you very, very soon. Momma, Papa, my beautiful sissies, I love you. Jen try to keep those crazy pimentos away from Missy...Shawn your on my "Big S" list because Jeffrey threw your sweet little "Turner's Trash" comment at me today and he still hasn't changed out of those Massachusetts fireman shirts yet!

Now I go because I am leaking again...my love goes out to all of you...

Rebecca Leigh (A.K.A. Rat Bastard)


Sunday, July 21 : G'day
Hey there my beauties!

We are on day three of our travels here in Sydney. It is a lovely place. Jeffrey has always said that I would never survive in a city because I am always smiling and striking up conversations with strangers...this is the city for me! People here are wonderful. They look you right in the eye, offer help without being asked and are very genuine when asking how you are, and they never have something more interesting to look at as they pass you on the street. I love it.

So, day two of our travels took us into Darling Harbour after a leisurely breakfast and yummy soy lattes. We must be putting about 7 or 8 hiking miles on a day. First stop, was the Sydney aquarium. They have an exhibit on the Great Barrier Reef, it was lovely being able to touch and see all the corals, fish and jellies. Touch the corals, see the fish and jellies (please remember that everything here will kill you!) Especially the Moon Jelly which was lit with what appeared to be some kind of black light making the jellies seem eerily irridescent as they floated through the water. My favorite part, however, the sharks. You could walk through this glass tunnel, and it felt like you were in the ocean with all these menacing creatures around you. Sharks, Rays, Turtles, and these huge glass sucking creatures (can't recall what they were). It was amazing to be able to watch every inch of a monstrous shark as it cruised overhead.

After that we had some lunch and Jeff harassed a bunch of seagulls that were begging bites. Then off to meet a pal I used to work with in California, Jamie, who is also here in Sydney. We spent the better part of the afternoon listening to schwanky jazz and sipping local brews on the harbour outside of the Sydney Opera House, and what a sunset! We were told to stay out of the Harbour because it is full of sharks and that makes me wonder about the people I see kyaking in it in the mornings. I am watching very closely but haven't seen anyone go down yet!

Today hasn't been much more exciting than chore day as we are opening accounts and contacting EDAW for work, though we did have a rather pretty Ferry ride through the harbour this morning, still looking for shark fins!

So, I will leave you for now with a couple of interesting observations I have made here. Well, interesting for me (and probably my pal Marya, because she will want to put these on her beautiful website as keepers!), but then again I am my biggest fan! We noticed a car named the ka2, that makes it the ka-ka car, can't imagine that it is a very big seller. Secondly, I saw my favorite billboard, it stated..."California has issued six driving licenses to people named Jesus Christ". I don't really know what it was in reference to and honestly don't care, it's just funny!

And then....I love you all very much and hope these letters aren't going to be too much of a clog to your inboxes because they will be coming on a regular basis...and no you can't unsubscribe!

My love you all of you, Rebecca

P.s. thanks for the lovely responses, we love to hear how you are all doing on your side of the world, you know who you are!

a fabulous 24 hours

cholla (pronounced choy-yah -- which is a type of mean little cactus plant that grows in the arid arizona and does not at all represent our wonderful and giving friend and co-op mate) is moving to phoenix. and friday she turned 50. so the house has had july 20 marked on the calendar as a party day for a few months. she decided early spring not to make the eastern move until after her birthday so that she could be surrounded by friends and loved ones.

so saturday (the day after her birthday and the actual birthday of current co-op mate michael) finally rolled around and we did our part to clean the house and take the tables outside to line them up for a big feast. out came the christmas lights and the candles and the old-converted-stand-alone fireplace we use for outdoor parties. and in came former housemates from outta town. and friends. and then more and more friends. some with tri-tip to cook up and cakes to eat and bottles and bottles of wine.

it was one of those surprising events that blossomed into both an old-friend reunion and a new friend introduction. interesting happy people, great food, perfect weather etc etc etc.

and finally we got that geggy tah house concert that i mentioned last summer. tommy (who is the tah) and two friends (one in gt, the other not), quietly set up their microphones and seats. and somewhere around 11:30 we got a very intimate and sweet living room show. it started with them coming into the living room via a very long hallway, unbeknownst to us. slowly we began to hear the horns and the makeshift drums (a steve austin 6 million dollar man metal lunch box and an "elite" plastic playmate). this segued into the guys taking their seats (tommy's seat was an upended, opened, old-style suitcase attached to kick pedals of a drum kit -- so he sat on the suitcase and used it as a drum at the same time) and the songs beginning.

they played new stuff, using us as a practice hall. at one point they asked for poems or bits and peices of writing we had done that they would turn into a song on the spot, so i offered up a verse i'd written while my grandmother was so very sick a few weeks ago.

it was great and it lasted for hours. and intimate. we were all so close to each other and tommy would just look at you for almost entire songs while he sang. billy and lewis played almost the whole time with their eyes shut. and there were stories between the songs and we even had a heckler (that would by a wee bit past sobriety miss maya, practicing her version of beligerant and onery (sp?) and then flashing the smile that commands forgiveness, all in a mere one-second time frame).

the house (audience) was transfixed. we soaked it up. we pinched ourselves. we laughed at the stories. we made tea when theirs ran out. we dimmed lights. we shouted out requests. and we memorized the mood and the sound and the allaroundness of it for our inner memory scrap books.

this morning tommy was still here as were the former housemates and friendsweethearts. we talked in the den for more and more hours, almost missing breakfast. not minding missing the paper. sipping coffee and chatting about everything from heather's brush with ickyness while living in new zealand (scary stalker stories) to jan's new life in tajikistan to custom-designed swimming pools to living in italy to favorite books and movies and the other whatnots of the house. slowly around noon we meandered to the park to watch ryan practice capoeira then to the palm for a matinee of lovely and amazing.

overall a fabulous twenty-four hours.

plus i got some song writing tips from tommy (make sure your songs have hips, which i may explain later). i did get to play one of my songs with tommy, and played two others while on the deck before the livingroom concert began. and ryan busted out his beedybow (how do you spell that? brazilian one-string instrument you play with a finger and a rock) for an impromptu capoeira call and repeat.

now the house is napping and later we will venture for sushi to see if we can prolong the magic just a few more hours.

today is the birthday of hunter s. thompson and nelson mandela.

i know this because i was a little late for work this morning, so writer's almanac was on as i sped off to work. i love the writer's almanac and i think garrison keiler is pretty great, too.

the poem today put a lump in my throat. which is kind of a nice way to start the day: a little tender and a little more open. here it is:

No Longer A Teenager

my daughter, who turns twenty tomorrow,
has become truly independent.
she doesn't need her father to help her
deal with the bureaucracies of schools,
hmo's, insurance, the dmv.
she is quite capable of handling
landlords, bosses, and auto repair shops.
also boyfriends and roommates.
and her mother.

frankly it's been a big relief.
the teenage years were often stressful.
sometimes, though, i feel a little useless.

but when she drove down from northern California
to visit us for a couple of days,
she came through the door with the

biggest, warmest hug in the world for me.
and when we all went out for lunch,
she said, affecting a little girl's voice,
"i'm going to sit next to my daddy,"
and she did, and slid over close to me
so i could put my arm around her shoulder
until the food arrived.

i've been keeping busy since she's been gone,
mainly with my teaching and writing,
a little travel connected with both,
but i realized now how long it had been
since i had felt deep emotion.

when she left i said, simply,
"i love you,"
and she replied, quietly,
"i love you too."
you know it isn't always easy for
a twenty-year-old to say that;
it isn't always easy for a father.

literature and opera are full of
characters who die for love:
i stay alive for her.

— Gerald Locklin from The Life Force Poems (Water Row Press).

feminism, defined... for macker [1]

imagine living in a world where there is no domination, where females and males are not alike or even always equal, but where a vision of mutuality is the ethos shaping our interaction. imagine living in a world where we can all be who we are, a world of peace and possibility.....

"Simply put, feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression. This was a definintion of feminism I offered in Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center more than 10 years ago. ...


"I liked this definition because it did not imply that men were the enemy. By naming sexism as the problem it went directly to the heart of the matter.

"Practically, it is a definition which implies that all sexist thinking and action is the problem, whether those who perpetrate it are female or male, child or adult. ...

"As all advocates of feminist politics know, most people do not understand sexism, or if they do, they think it is not a problem.

"Masses of people think that feminism is always and only about women seeking to be equal to men. And a huge majority of these folks think feminism is anti-male.

"Their misunderstanding of feminist politics reflects the reality that most people learn about feminism from patriarchal mass media."

-- bell hooks, feminism is for everybody (my paragraph breaks -- for emphasis).

1. i can't help but read this stuff and think of macker. a.) i think he is a feminist at heart. (smile); b.) i think he doesn't understand the real goals and meaning and history of feminism; c.) i truly believe that these ideas (of equality) frighten so many people in such a way that they don't even understand that they are frightened. they act out ... but might not even understand that they are acting out. so we have people labeling all feminists as man haters. but in my experience this couldn't be further than the truth.

bishop's peak kick butt boot camp

silhouettes. this one is very much what it was like this morning.
typical pre-sunset view. what you'll usually see.
panorama one.
panorama two.


this morning, diana, heather and i trudged up bishop's with more energy than yesterday. the early morning saps some of our energy. but going up through the dense damp fog was all worth it. at the top we were suddenly above the fog, an island. the rooftop of san luis. the sun was still coming up and was a bit on the same level as the fog bank. this created a fantastic circular rainbow across the fog top. it was gorgeous.

overheards and working out

so tonight was my first appointment with my personal trainer. my first personal training appointment ever. and it was much more fun than i expected. i don't know what i expected, really. but i learned a lot — from technique and new exercises to figuring it out that working out at the gym can actually be fun. i've been a cardio girl all my life. have belonged to this gym for four or five years. and haven't ever really worked out with weights there. and it was fun.

about three quarters of the ways into the work out and in the middle of working out the upperbody...

personal trainer, becca: okay. have you ever done a skull crusher?
marya: no. um. wait... is that a mixed drink?

;)

my personal trainer was great and i'm not just saying that cuz she is my little sister, rebecca ann. i was really impressed. we had a good time and i got a good workout. and that's saying a lot because number one, i can be a little critical. and number two, i was exhausted. i'd climbed bishops last night when i got off of work and then first thing this morning. worked all day. hadn't had dinner. just plum tuckered.

but by the end of the session i was happy. and it was good to have sister time and a good work out simultaneously.

and about the bishop's double duty stint. that was really unplanned and unusual. after work yesterday diana, heather and i went to hike it and were just marvelling at what a great hike it was — fun and beautiful. and good to be in each other's company. yadda yadda yadda. and some how that turned into our Bishop's Peak Kick Butt Boot Camp. We're going to hike it every morning for 21 days. And that was starting the next day. So we did it. And lemme just say... it was easy last night and pretty damn painful this morning. Ai-yi-yi.

But I had a great day all around. So I'm gonna head off tomorrow morning too.

Meanwhile you can look at two different panorama views of Bishops — an ancient volcanic core and my favorite of the seven sisters.

nigerian women win



good news: the nigerian women who had taken over the Chevron Nigeria terminal eight days ago demanding employment for their families and investment in the local community, have won. i love this story. triumph of the people against Big Business. triumph of third-world nation over the overbearing states. triumph of culture over boring blase watered down beige business mores. triumph of spirit over greed.

overheard

marya: wow. did you know that 10% of the people of South Africa are HIV positive?
jaxon: that's really bad. they should do something about that.
marya: they are; they're creating a new muppet.

*********************************************
hmmm... well that's sure to make a few conservatives upset, hiv positive muppets leading to premarital sex and all.

sfgate.com seems to think there's a new teletubby in the works as well:
"In somewhat loosely related news, the creators of the Teletubbies are planning on introducing a new character to the wildly popular toddler program next season, tentatively named Zonk, who will allegedly be a mullato lesbian dwarf quadriplegic encephalitic autistic scoliotic genius waterskiing dentally challenged philatelist with multiple STDs and a wandering eye."

*********************************************

and on a not related other note, i've been incredibly grumpy since returning from my 9-day meditation retreat. i can't explain it. but people's speech -- meaning sarcasm or even their opinions -- is sending me over the edge. i don't get it. usually i'm pretty easy going. but everything's been bugging me for about a week now. i think i used up all my love and compassion while on the gomden. damn. i even got into a semi-argument with a friend at Music in the Plaza. he was stating this ... maybe sometimes mostly true ... stereotype. but his tone came off as very condescending and patronizing in a very innocent way. he probably didn't realize that he was conveying either of those things...

he said that it is impossible to empathize with parents unless you are one yourself. i disagree. i mean, probably most of the time that could be true. but to say that no one could empathize without being a parent seemd like a very limited view. then he went on to explain the difference between empahty and sympathy to me. i'm not sure which insulted me more -- the english lesson or being so pigeonholed.

m.